My choices were: "Boulevard of broken dreams" (kinda not original); "Down Manna Avenue" (kinda corny); "Kinsa si Manna" (ok, but i wanted it to be in english so everyone could understand.
Then I came up with "Orchestrated Chaos". It had a nice ring to it and I actually liked that it was an oxymoron. How can "orchestrated" and "chaos" be put together in one title when both words contradicted each other. But then again, it was really perfect for me.
Let's start with the "chaos" part of me. Ever since, chaos has been a constant part of my life. Literally and emotionally. I am not a very organized person. Try visiting my room and you will know what I mean. Everything is just strewn all over the place and there's almost no room for me to move around because of so much stuff lying around. Check my cabinet. Check my desk at the office. Check my notes. Check my organizer! Geez I don't even follow the dates in my organizer. I just write stuff wherever I open it. I don't have a system when I work. I just depend on my brain and memory when I work. I don't do the listing stuff, or the sitting down and meditating before I do my work. It just doesn't work for me that way. And that's just the shallow part of it.
If you are my friend, you will also know that my life is far from peaceful. There's always something going on. I have so many issues and I have a lot of baggages. I've been independent since I was 12, and though my parents always tried to guide me all the time, when you're away from them, you just don't follow where your guided too. And maybe that is why I'm never far away from something phenomenal happening in my life all the time. May it be a good thing or a bad thing, chaos is always present in my life.
Now let me talk about the "orchestrated" part. When you check my room, yes it is unruly and disorderly. But you will see that all the bags are stacked in this area, my accessories in this area, my shoes in this area...etc. Its chaotic but at the same time orchestrated. My desk at the office is sooo messed up but I know where to find my stuff when I need to find my stuff. My working method is unconventional because I am not a good planner. I'm just spontaneous and compulsive, but it works for me successfully 90% of the time. I write phone numbers in any page of my notebook but when the time comes that I need to look for that number, I know exactly what page I should leaf too.
Issues and intrigues are always present in my life (not in an artista kind of way--but you know what I mean). But I always end up okay. I always end up strong and victorious. I mean, I am still alive. And I feel that all those chaos worked in a way for me to be whole. Like I would not be complete without those things. Like it made me become the person that I am now. And that a major part of me would be missing if none of it happened to me.
But don't get me wrong. I have tried over and over again to be an organized person. To be more careful To be more vigilant of what I do. But I just end up failing all the time. So I have come to embrace chaos as a part of my life and used it to my advantage.
Now I don't even know if you understood my blog because it seems so disorganized because my thoughts are just flying away as I type the words, but I know in a way you also understand what I am talking about.
So you see, that's just me. And whether it's an asset or a liability on my part, I just have to learn to deal with it. And I guess admitting it right now on cyberspace and branding myself with having a site with such title is a sign that I have already dealt with it.
And I'm proud to carry my site title. I am proud to be orchestratedly chaotic. :)
P.S. There is no such word as "orchestratedly" but hey, that's me!
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