rebuilding bridges... =)

Last weekend, I realized that we are never really alone in this world. Isolation is a choice. I'm glad to know that despite my short disappearance from their lives, they are still there when I was already ready to rebuild the bridges that I burned.

Saturday night, after a very stressful shoot at MIMG and even more stressful emotional encounter, I hooked up with some Dark Angels (now called KAEODS) who have been trying to meet up with me only that I didn't have the time--or I just did not want to at that time. We went to C24 and they introduced to me a really cool drink that even after how many rounds I never felt tipsy nor drunk at all. Yummy. Its a secret concoction that the "KAEODS" cooked up. hmmm...

Timmy: Usahay ba kami ni Tricia, magtanga ra mi then kalit lang mi makaingon na, "Mingaw naman kong Ms. M oi."
Manna: Awww....kacute gud ana. :)
Timmy: So how's your "6months grace period?"
Manna: Over. Finally. But I'm dealing with another "6 months". But I'll be fine.
Timmy: Ofcourse you will be.

Reunited with my Misery (who is no longer miserable, thank God) =)
Others who are not on the picture (daghan...hehe): Maz, Janjan, Tricia, Dian, Pitoy, Pam, Deedai

Thanks for a fun night KAEODS. :)

Sunday night, my college barkada (4B's) texted me and asked to meet up because it was Maeh's and Kawewina's double birthday celebration. Now these two, I haven't seen in ages. But we were really tight during college. Super. Hehe. So we met up and talked nonstop. My head was still buzzing with their voices on the taxi ride home.

4b's: Hoy dude kibaw na imong apaps anah??
Manna: Haha...wala pa.
4b's: Nah patay jud ka!
Manna: Religious bitaw akong explanation ani. K rana. :)

It was nice seeing all of you guys again. :)

Bye maw...(1 down, 1 more to go--it just gets harder from here.)

I just cut work yesterday. I could not bring myself to work. No. Not after we sent off Janjan (mawmaw) at the airport yesterday. Not after I hugged her to bits. Especially not after I opened her remembrance for me in the taxi and bursted out into sobs.

Two months ago, I thought that I would just have an ordinary summer. Meaning: the usual work and the one-time trip to the beach. But with some pleasant twist of fate, a long lost friend of mine arrived a day before my birthday and introduced me to a new friend later on. I call my long lost friend (YA)Wawah and my new friend (A)Mawmaw.

So the usual summer became an unusually great summer for me and it consisted of drinking almost every night (which explains my tardiness), watching movies, grilled hotdog and mallows night, other food trips, shopping, having a very long vacation on th beach, a 2-month long "sleepover", music tripping, internet surfing, bar hopping, "ungo" sessions, tattoo sessions, belly ring piercing and endless laughing and conversations about the 3 major L's in life: love, life and lust (hehe).



Everyday. It was always me with my Mawmaw and Wawah. Definitely no DULL moment with them. They were my ka-petes for the entire summer. My schedule revolved around them and I have no regrets because I could now say that I had a blast.

So why talk in past tense? That was the catch. From the very beginning, I knew that the end of summer would also signal the end of our hangouts. So we tried our best to fit in everything we wanted to do together in that span of time. And boy did we take it seriously! Mawmaw and I were already boarders at Wawah's place. Tita Christine has accepted that fact, I guess. That she would have to share her daughter with two other "almost-daughters" during her true daughter's short vacation here in Cebu. Hehe.


And yesterday--OH YESTERDAY...i hated yesterday. We knew yesterday would come. But we were so into deep in our "lingaw" that nothing prepared us for yesterday. Wawah and I were silent on our taxi ride going back. No one wanted to say anything. We tried to make it a feel-good day, went to the spa, ate scallops, drank tequila, watched dvds, but napiang na ang mga PETES. Its just not the same anymore.

Yesterday was DAY 1 of Manna's separation anxiety series. A few more days and its Wawah's time to go. Yesterday Wawah and I sent off Mawmaw. Next week--if i muster the strength, I'll also send her off. This time I would be alone. This time there will be no spa treatments or other feel-good stuff to do after.

And then I'm gonna go back to the life that I was used to. It's not a bad life, for sure. But its not gonna be the same as my 2-month long MIGHTY BONDing with my ka-petes.

A few hours from this moment, Mawmaw will be arriving in Dubai. When will I see her again? We still do not know. And Wawah? Next week will start another 9-month long absence as she tours the world again.

Thank you ka-petes for a very wonderful summer.

I will SURELY miss you.
so much.

Take care and come home to me soon, ok?

www.deviantart.comit's like that, and that's the way it is. *sigh*

"But life just gets crazy, living life gets hard to do

And I would gladly hit the road, get up and go if I knew."

-Sunday Morning; Maroon 5

True, true.

MOST of the time, things don't go the way we want them to. Just like the line above, it is easy to think about just packing up your stuff and say "Alright, I'm done with life, can I go now?" But then again, it is NOT like that. It cannot be like that. Unless ofcourse you are suicidal--which at times I believe all of us has ever been. (The only reason why we are still alive now is because we realize that its not the way to go--so if one of YOU plan to do so--STOP RIGHT NOW. basaha sa ni.)

One thing I always say myself when I "think" that I am in very deep shtit is that "THIS TOO SHALL PASS." It is a very good advise I got from my friend Karen (I miss you dear) and at 22, meeehn I could really prove that its true.

I got my very first problem when I was in grade 6. I had a fight with my homeroom partner, Kaizan. We were very close friends and at the same time, partners at an activity that required carpentry skills--thus the need to be partnered with a guy. I thought I would never get to finish it without his help. But weeks after we became friends again.

First year HS, I had a very bad experience with "bullying". (I will not elaborate and I will not drop names.) I wanted to transfer to another school, but after one year, I overcame it, and I am the strong person that I am now.

Thesis during college was such a *****! I had partners but I did most of the work. Almost was not able to graduate on time. Took me 2 years and a 1 M gallons of blood, sweat and tears to finish it. But I did. Graduated on time too. :)

And ofcourse there are the occasional heavy heartbreaks. We all go though that, don't we? The nights you spend crying, the aching feeling in the heart every time you wake up. The agony-OH THE AGONY! I talked with a friend before and she said that a heartbreak was the hardest type of pain because you cannot just drink ponstan (or alaxan, perhaps? hehe) and expect the pain to be gone in hours. No. I have had my fair share but eventually...I just got over it. I did think that I never would, but I did. And I am pretty sure that a lot of you can also agree with me on that.

And then ofcourse I can state more of my "troubled" experiences but who would want to read more of that? Thing is, its true. It will all just pass. And eventually, whatever experience that was helps us become better persons--ofcourse if we channel the negative experiences into positive ones. It's just learning how to "carry" it, I guess.

I know, I know...kapoy gyud sha usahay. Its always one problem after another, but life is one whole learning experience. And I guess that is the fun in it. How will you be able to differentiate the feeling of happiness if you do not have the feeling of loneliness to compare it with, right?

You might be asking, why the hell do I sound like a self-help book right now? Let's just put it this way, I am also trying to tell myslef this: "Manna Sayon Alcaraz, you are a warrior, you have been through hell and back, you know you are strong--so come on! THIS TOO SHALL PASS."

nuff said.

so that's why its CLICHE.

So, ok I had a bad day yesterday. I was pissed. What's a girl to do?

I'm not your typical cliche' girl who goes to the salon and shops when she's upset. No, I'm the type who'd normally go home, hide in my room and hibernate till the feeling goes away. Sometimes I'm the type who'd call up friends and invite them to drink--and I'd rant while THEY drink.

But yesterday, I felt like experiencing the cliche-ish lifestyle. So I went to X-salon and had my hair chopped. This is the shortest my hair has ever been in 3 years. Wanna see? Hehe...



Then I went to ayala and shopped. Ok so I didn't really shop SHOP...I just bought a dress. And a set of underwear. Hehe.

Then I ate go-go sandwich at KFC. Alone. :)

As if that wasn't cliche enough, I went to one of my best "girl friend's" place and had a Grey's Anatomy marathon. We even slept over there. Haha.

So here's a list of what a girl's got to do when she's pissed. Damn right i followed it religiously! :)

==salon== check
==shopping== check
==pig out== check
==dvd marathon with "girlfriends"== check
==slumber party== check

And my pissy feeling?

*POOF*

Gone, just like that.

Now I know why it's cliche.

It's cliche coz it works. :)

The INEVITABLE question...den den den den.

I am trying my darndest best to tame this very angry lion inside my head but it just won't quit roaring demmit!

SHOULD I?

(Or should I quit the ASKING and actually start the DOING?)





Welcome to my life ladies and gentlemen.
Hope you're all having a grand time.




"We're fine people. We do fine. We live fine."





...


Yep.

Just another day in the life of MSA.

Can you believe I'm learning life lessons from a TV series?

Many people told me that I should really start watching Grey's Anatomy. I was hooked on House before and they said GA was better. I didn't really get the chance but last night, we watched season 4 at a friend's house. Would you believe that the first few episodes really got me thinking. Here are some of the lines (or atleast versions of how I remember them) that got my mind running:

"Walking away makes you an honorable man when you realize that your'e no longer getting what you deserve." (or something like that)

"Its better to be alone and feel like a success than be in a relationship and feel like a failure."

"Change. We don't like it. We fear it, but we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. It hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn't is lying, but here's the truth sometimes the more things change the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Sometimes change is everything."

"You don't destroy the people you love."

"The thing about addiction is, it never ends well. Because eventually, whatever it is that was getting us high, stops feeling good, and starts to hurt. Still, they say you don't kick the habit until you hit rock bottom. But how do you know when you are there? Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us, sometimes, letting it go hurts even worse." (this is my favorite)

"Things don't always go the way we want them to. But you just have to get over it. "

AND THEN, there's this scene:

Dr. Derek Shepherd: You know what I talked about with the other Grey? All the things this Grey won't let me say.
Dr. Meredith Grey: You can say anything to me.
Dr. Derek Shepherd: I want to marry you. I want to have kids with you. I want to build us a house. I want to settle down and grow old with you. I want to die when I'm 110 years old in your arms. I don't want 48 uninterrupted hours. I want a lifetime.
[Meredith takes a few steps back]
Dr. Derek Shepherd: . Do you see what happens? I say things like that and you fight the urge to run in the opposite direction. It's okay. I understand. I didn't, but now I do, I do. You're just getting started and I've been doing this for a long time. Deep down you're still an intern, and you're not ready.
Dr. Meredith Grey: I'm not ready right now, but things can stay the way they are and I'll get ready.
Dr. Derek Shepherd: Things can't stay the way they are. We can still meet in the elevator, the on call room. And maybe you'll get ready, and I'll wait. I'll wait until you're ready.
Dr. Meredith Grey: Okay then.
Dr. Derek Shepherd: Yeah, but what if, what if while I'm waiting I meet someone who is ready to give me what I want from you?
Dr. Meredith Grey: What if you do?
[the elevator opens in front of them and Derek steps in]
Dr. Derek Shepherd: I don't know.
[the doors close between them]

Ummm....I can't remember the rest but I'm pretty sure there's more.

eyeloviiit. :)

mikerly